Wedding Bells for TayTay?
One of my Niteflirt sluts is utterly mesmerized by my girlfriend Taylor and said he would be willing to give up all of his assets to be married to her for just 24 hours! A marriage that would only be consummated by him kissing her feet. After all the assets are transferred, Taylor has agreed to split them among all the gf's. This loser doesn't deserve to have anything, so we should just take it. And if it takes a 24 hour marriage, Taylor is ready, willing and able.
So among our take will be a condo, an SUV, a liquidated 401K, cash, golf clubs (minus a 4 iron), and other assets too numerous to list here. And why does the little maggot loser get to keep a 4 iron you may ask?
You see TayTay and her fiance will be shopping for a new home, well his new home that is, at appliance stores. He will be inquiring about REFRIGERATOR BOXES. Because he will be living inside of one in an alley, in FTL. He will be permitted to wallpaper the inside of his new cardboard condo with pictures of Taylor's NYLON SOLES and keep his 4 iron to fend off his spot in the alley from other bums.
But TayTay's fiance will be no unemployed bum, he will be working in FTL and giving his paycheck to her. He won't even get an allowance, because he can dumpster dive for food, beg for quarters to do his laundry and suck cock if he needs to make enough to get a monthly gym membership to take daily showers!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Oh Faux!!!!
Faggyboy 420er Adam has asked if I can show up to a family event with him, a 50th birthday party for his father, because he needs a presentable girlfriend instead of his current pink-haired, tattooed and pierced bongsucking leech. He also asked if I could pretend I was Jewish!!!! Sara will pass as a Jewish name, but my last name no. He told me to use the last name Cohen if asked. Oy vey! Of course, this is a paid appearance and it's 3 few weeks off yet, so I can prepare for my faux-ery. I couldn't believe the dollar amount he offered me, because Adam always plays poor. However, he gleefully reported he had sold his entire porn DVD collection on Craigslist. He said there's enough free porn on the net and doesn't need his DVD porn anymore. So true!
Faggyboy 420er Adam has asked if I can show up to a family event with him, a 50th birthday party for his father, because he needs a presentable girlfriend instead of his current pink-haired, tattooed and pierced bongsucking leech. He also asked if I could pretend I was Jewish!!!! Sara will pass as a Jewish name, but my last name no. He told me to use the last name Cohen if asked. Oy vey! Of course, this is a paid appearance and it's 3 few weeks off yet, so I can prepare for my faux-ery. I couldn't believe the dollar amount he offered me, because Adam always plays poor. However, he gleefully reported he had sold his entire porn DVD collection on Craigslist. He said there's enough free porn on the net and doesn't need his DVD porn anymore. So true!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Car Facts Report
Who needs $4,500 from the government to finance a new car, when pretty girls should have slaves to finance theirs!
A while ago Nicole and I sang our way thru a Niteflirt recording about rhonda paying for my Honda, it was a very corny song with a chorus of: rhonda has to pay for my honda (I know, how original). Well rhonda did make my Honda payment this month haha. Thank you rhonda! And remember there are 12 payments every year!
Nicole's 'Stang is completely paid for, she paid cash, well this was a few years ago, back when her g-string was flapping with bills like palm fronds in the wind. Tho her major car cash contributor was her most spendy slave of all time, slave abe, the jeweler! Too bad slave abe came down with senile dementia or alzheimer's, or his family claimed he did once they found out how much money and jewelry he had given Nicole!
Who needs $4,500 from the government to finance a new car, when pretty girls should have slaves to finance theirs!
A while ago Nicole and I sang our way thru a Niteflirt recording about rhonda paying for my Honda, it was a very corny song with a chorus of: rhonda has to pay for my honda (I know, how original). Well rhonda did make my Honda payment this month haha. Thank you rhonda! And remember there are 12 payments every year!
Nicole's 'Stang is completely paid for, she paid cash, well this was a few years ago, back when her g-string was flapping with bills like palm fronds in the wind. Tho her major car cash contributor was her most spendy slave of all time, slave abe, the jeweler! Too bad slave abe came down with senile dementia or alzheimer's, or his family claimed he did once they found out how much money and jewelry he had given Nicole!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
upDATES
So many have asked: did idiot show up as commanded at the strip club to spend even more $$$$ on Nicole. Alas no, he did not. As usual, idiot disappeared back into the ether, to recuperate from the financial and emotional devastation that Nicole and I dished out.
So many have also asked: did the baby whale who dropped $500 for a tiger stripe peek-a-boo ever show up at the club, and that answer is also no, strike 2 Nicole.
Even more have asked: did we play with fatfuck in our clamdigging session, and the answer is no, fatfuck was just an audience. I'm sure he was testing his cardiovascular system to see if he could handle watching such hotness without overheating, which he could, but he didn't wank or ask for any ballkicking or other favors haha. So we both spit in his mouth, which he loved, and he forked over the dough like a good little fat doughboy. He wants to book another session in about 2 weeks. He also looks very different, healthier. He shaved his beard and 'stache. He's lost alot of weight. I joked that he must have gotten a complimentary gastric bypass with the quadruple bypass and he said no, he had hired a nutritionist to consult over his diet and then hired a cook to prepare all of his meals. He is going to be exercising, and wants to lose 75 more pounds. A skinny fatfuck! Just say no!
And last but not least, so many have asked: Did Nicole shave the tiger stripe or keep it? Nicole waxed it. So the rare, natural blonde tiger stripe disappeared at the muffrippers (waxing salon). But Nicole can always revive it, if the offer is right!
So many have asked: did idiot show up as commanded at the strip club to spend even more $$$$ on Nicole. Alas no, he did not. As usual, idiot disappeared back into the ether, to recuperate from the financial and emotional devastation that Nicole and I dished out.
So many have also asked: did the baby whale who dropped $500 for a tiger stripe peek-a-boo ever show up at the club, and that answer is also no, strike 2 Nicole.
Even more have asked: did we play with fatfuck in our clamdigging session, and the answer is no, fatfuck was just an audience. I'm sure he was testing his cardiovascular system to see if he could handle watching such hotness without overheating, which he could, but he didn't wank or ask for any ballkicking or other favors haha. So we both spit in his mouth, which he loved, and he forked over the dough like a good little fat doughboy. He wants to book another session in about 2 weeks. He also looks very different, healthier. He shaved his beard and 'stache. He's lost alot of weight. I joked that he must have gotten a complimentary gastric bypass with the quadruple bypass and he said no, he had hired a nutritionist to consult over his diet and then hired a cook to prepare all of his meals. He is going to be exercising, and wants to lose 75 more pounds. A skinny fatfuck! Just say no!
And last but not least, so many have asked: Did Nicole shave the tiger stripe or keep it? Nicole waxed it. So the rare, natural blonde tiger stripe disappeared at the muffrippers (waxing salon). But Nicole can always revive it, if the offer is right!
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Ass Fresheners!
Nicole said that a club customer gave her a crisp bank $20 and a crisp bank $1 and asked if she would stick the $1 in her ass crack to scent it and give it back to him and keep the $20, which she did. She reported that he sniffed the bill then put it in his wallet. What's up with all this sniffery?
Nicole told him to dangle it from his car's rear view mirror like one of those little pine tree car air fresheners. Ohhh he said, there is nothing like the smell of money and a girl's ass....So if you see a guy driving around Miami with a $1 bill dangling from his rear view, you will know it's one of Nicole's ass fresheners....
Nicole said that a club customer gave her a crisp bank $20 and a crisp bank $1 and asked if she would stick the $1 in her ass crack to scent it and give it back to him and keep the $20, which she did. She reported that he sniffed the bill then put it in his wallet. What's up with all this sniffery?
Nicole told him to dangle it from his car's rear view mirror like one of those little pine tree car air fresheners. Ohhh he said, there is nothing like the smell of money and a girl's ass....So if you see a guy driving around Miami with a $1 bill dangling from his rear view, you will know it's one of Nicole's ass fresheners....
Friday, August 07, 2009
Shut up and Sniff!
So on Tuesday afternoon, the idiot took Nicole and I shopping. Nicole and I bought sundresses and then a pair of sandals each. We also got manicures and made the idiot wait while we got our nails done. The only magazines at the salon were girlie mags, Nicole made him read Cosmo. Nicole was going to make him blow on our nails to dry them instead of using the mini-fans, but there were too many other matronly type customers who might have freaked. The girls who worked there got a major kick out of the whole scenario, because we made him over-tip them and thank them profusely for doing our nails so beautifully.
Then idiot got to do 'sock pussy' in his SUV while we acted excruciatingly bored, in fact, Nicole started brushing her hair while idiot was begging to see the blonde tiger stripe, so finally Nicole flashed the tiger stripe and brushed it with her hair brush, told idiot to shut up then made idiot sniff her hair brush. Then after idiot spurted into his sock, Nicole cleaned her hair brush, and gave him a little tangly snatch of hair and told him to go home and sniff that and masturbate onto it. Which I'm sure the idiot did.
The Take: $450 for the sundresses and sandals
Manicures with Tip: $90
Tiger Stripe Viewing Fee: $300 (of which I got $100 for my time)
Plus idiot is supposed to come to the club tonite or tomorrow nite to worship Nicole, if his Amex and cash stash can bear it, we shall see....
So on Tuesday afternoon, the idiot took Nicole and I shopping. Nicole and I bought sundresses and then a pair of sandals each. We also got manicures and made the idiot wait while we got our nails done. The only magazines at the salon were girlie mags, Nicole made him read Cosmo. Nicole was going to make him blow on our nails to dry them instead of using the mini-fans, but there were too many other matronly type customers who might have freaked. The girls who worked there got a major kick out of the whole scenario, because we made him over-tip them and thank them profusely for doing our nails so beautifully.
Then idiot got to do 'sock pussy' in his SUV while we acted excruciatingly bored, in fact, Nicole started brushing her hair while idiot was begging to see the blonde tiger stripe, so finally Nicole flashed the tiger stripe and brushed it with her hair brush, told idiot to shut up then made idiot sniff her hair brush. Then after idiot spurted into his sock, Nicole cleaned her hair brush, and gave him a little tangly snatch of hair and told him to go home and sniff that and masturbate onto it. Which I'm sure the idiot did.
The Take: $450 for the sundresses and sandals
Manicures with Tip: $90
Tiger Stripe Viewing Fee: $300 (of which I got $100 for my time)
Plus idiot is supposed to come to the club tonite or tomorrow nite to worship Nicole, if his Amex and cash stash can bear it, we shall see....
Sunday, August 02, 2009
The Lure of the Blonde Tiger Stripe
So the baby whale did not show up, which means that Taylor and Jessica owe Ember and me drinkies. Taylor will probably just tell everyone to come to the club where she bartends and she'll slide us freebies. While the baby whale did not answer the call of the blonde tiger stripe, slave idiot did!!! Nicole did not even summon the idiot, he just showed up, or should I say her blonde tiger stripe's incredible mesmerizing power summoned the idiot. Then Nicole led idiot around by his dick literally. She made him pay for the VIP area. Then she flashed the tiger stripe. She said his eyes widened when he saw 'it'. At the end of the nite, she wallet raped him by emptying out the remaining cash. Total idiot cash take: $800.
Today idiot called Nicole and said he wants to take Nicole shopping this week and could he see 'it' again. So 'it' is paying off. Nicole told him I get to go shopping with her. Slave adventures on the schedule: Fatfuck is supposed to pay for clam digging and idiot shall pay for shopping and another peek at the rare blonde snatch patch.
So the baby whale did not show up, which means that Taylor and Jessica owe Ember and me drinkies. Taylor will probably just tell everyone to come to the club where she bartends and she'll slide us freebies. While the baby whale did not answer the call of the blonde tiger stripe, slave idiot did!!! Nicole did not even summon the idiot, he just showed up, or should I say her blonde tiger stripe's incredible mesmerizing power summoned the idiot. Then Nicole led idiot around by his dick literally. She made him pay for the VIP area. Then she flashed the tiger stripe. She said his eyes widened when he saw 'it'. At the end of the nite, she wallet raped him by emptying out the remaining cash. Total idiot cash take: $800.
Today idiot called Nicole and said he wants to take Nicole shopping this week and could he see 'it' again. So 'it' is paying off. Nicole told him I get to go shopping with her. Slave adventures on the schedule: Fatfuck is supposed to pay for clam digging and idiot shall pay for shopping and another peek at the rare blonde snatch patch.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
$500 for Nothing?
Did the baby whale pay $500 for nothing? He didn't show up last nite for a peek at Nicole's blonde tiger stripe and I am anxiously awaiting a text message from her to see if he shows up tonite. Could he have been so lit 2 weekends ago that he forgot why he withdrew $600 from the ATM? $500 (plus $100 tip) for Nicole to grow her natural blonde tiger stripe instead of sporting a completely shaved pussy. Now some of you have said, well she could just bleach it, but she is a natural blonde. OK so she's a dishwater blonde. And she sees an ultra faggy hair colorist to do very natural highlights. But her club selling point is that she's completely natural, unlike the peroxide bleacher creatures with bolt-on boobs.
Bets are riding on show or no-show, so we will see....
Did the baby whale pay $500 for nothing? He didn't show up last nite for a peek at Nicole's blonde tiger stripe and I am anxiously awaiting a text message from her to see if he shows up tonite. Could he have been so lit 2 weekends ago that he forgot why he withdrew $600 from the ATM? $500 (plus $100 tip) for Nicole to grow her natural blonde tiger stripe instead of sporting a completely shaved pussy. Now some of you have said, well she could just bleach it, but she is a natural blonde. OK so she's a dishwater blonde. And she sees an ultra faggy hair colorist to do very natural highlights. But her club selling point is that she's completely natural, unlike the peroxide bleacher creatures with bolt-on boobs.
Bets are riding on show or no-show, so we will see....
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