If- (Was A Night Before Christmas)

If you can ask Santa for another year of celibacy, when all about you

Are kissing under misletoe and blaming it on you,

If you can worship Black Bulls so that girls humiliate you,

But make allowance for Empress Sara's teasing too;

If you can send Christmas wishes to Sara, Nicole and Ember, as you're cruelly berated,

But never pretend to be hung, don't deal in lies,

If you're there to be laughed at, don't give up because you're hated,

Accept your place this winter, and your feeble penis size:



If you can dream of Sara - and pay her every Xmas Bonus Buck

If you can think of Her - and make those thoughts your aim

If you can hope for girls to go black, and accept that white boys suck,

And encourage real men to hit on your most beloved old flame;

If you can bear to hear the brutal truth the Goddess has spoken

And look upon Santa as a cuckolded fool,

Realizing that, to Mrs Claus, he is no more than a token,

As on Christmas Eve she's filled and thrilled with Big Black tools:



If you collect all your presents, cash and trimmings

And send them to Ruiness Sara who is your true Boss,

And when you've paid, start next year at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and mind and purse

To serve your Empress for now and forever,

And accept your shriveled, snow white willy is the worst

But that being owned by sweet Sara is worth the endeavor!



If you can sing your Christmas Carols with meaning and virtue,

Then talk with Size Queens you can never touch,

If the hotties in red Xmas stockings laugh at, and hurt you,

And this makes your lil' dick stand out, but none too much;

If you can fill 2009's final minute

With sixty seconds' worth of Niteflirt fun,

You belong in Sara's Playroom, with everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Yuletide Cuckold, every last one!


Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936) & Peewee (1976-Present Day)

peewee that is truly amazing, I went back online to read the original poem and you've crafted something quite extraordinary! Merry XXXmas! ~ Ruiness Sara

Blame it on the Leather

Since quite a few of you have asked, what did fatfuck get me for XXXmas, call it a holiday gift, since he's Jewish....

Yes, fatfuck was my biggest holiday contributor, in cash that is, he paid via meeting up with me in a Coach store. I love the smell of the Coach Leather Goods store, I couldn't work there, the smell of leather is just too intoxicating for me, I'd be in a perennial sexual swoon.

Apparently, in the Fuck household, it is traditional to do the one gift each nite of Hanukkah. Fatfuck, who never plans ahead in such matters, was picking up another gift for Mrs. Fuck every day. Jewelry, scarf, an orchid for her collection, etc etc. On the 8th day he had run out of ideas, so he offered to give me my holiday cash and begged me to help him with the final gift of the holiday. So I told him to meet me at the Coach store at an appointed time. Fatfuck now has a 'driver' due to his heart condition. At the appointed time, Fatfuck appeared, handed me my cash and I showed him the handbag I had selected for Mrs. Fuck. Perhaps I should have charged a personal shopper's fee in addition???

I picked the fugliest handbag, but later I realized the error of my ways. I should have listened to Nicki. I was talking to her on my cell, she said, if you think it's fugly, she will probably like it! So pick something you like, so she will hate it!

I felt like slipping a note inside the handbag before fatfuck arrived: Your husband is a FAGELE! He sucks cock. He licks my ARSCH! I missed my golden (no pun intended) opportunity.

Happy Holidays from me and Nicole!



I'll be home for Christmas....home here in FLA that is. Will spend a few hours with my Dad then go up to Mom's for her annual Italian food feast. My sister is going to work so she can make like $1,000 doing a 12 hour nursing shift, but will be at Mom's for a few hours before she has to don her scrubs. My sister doesn't mind working around the holidays as the iota of altruism in her drives her to work so that one other nurse with a family doesn't have to. My Mom also wants to indulge her George Clooney crush and see 'Up in the Air' with me. I don't know if I'm going to be tortured for 2 hours or surprised if I end up liking the film.

Since some of you have asked if I want anything for XXXmas, well yes! Amazon e-gift certificates would be awesome and most welcome. You can email a gift cert totally anonymously from you, if you don't want me to know your real name, which is why I suggest this to a few of you who guard your privacy and will the wife bitch if she sees a charge form Amazon on the credit card statement? Nooooo.

Nicole is going on a ski trip to Colorado after New Year's when there is a major lull at the club. The question is: does she ski? Well um kinda. From what I hear she spends most of her time looking cute in her skiwear or in the heated spa or at the niteclubs. Then I assume she and evil Ember will be plotting their trip to Hungary!

Nicole and Ember are going to Hungary!

No they're not going HUNGRY! They're planning on going to Hungary. But first, they must learn some key words in Hungarian:

Mi forró remek amerikai lányok és szeretnénk megtesznek minden ön pénzt!**

Yes, gold-digging Nicole and loser dating specialist Ember have their eyes on the prize! Two homeless Hungarian men who have been living in a cave just hit the lottery!



Grandma died and left her long lost grandsons and their sister 7 billion dollars. Quick math, divide by three: each of them get 2 1/3 billion dollars. These men are no match for two wicked American blondes. Nicole can pole dance around stalagmites or stalactites without tights. Even if the gold-miners only get a million, spending a few hours learning some Hungarian will pay off!

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**Translation: We are two fucking hot American girls and we are here to take your money!

Nicole's XXXmas Present is going to be....



BIG PENIS BOOK

Now why the publisher chose a pink background for the Penis Book cover doesn't make sense to me, but I am willing to forgive this faux pas, as my Size Queen juices started flowing as I gazed upon the sneak preview collection of massive cocks I wished I could either suck or fuck.

Tiger's Fall-out

As some of my blog readers know, I have an on-again off-again thing with Danny-boy, who has a sports marketing firm, its specialty? Endorsements for golfers. He's not at the Tiger Woods or top player level by any means, but the fall-out of the Tiger Woods situation is that with potentially less viewers for the televised events if Tiger isn't playing and / or a big drop in interest in the sport if Tiger isn't playing, means that there will be potentially lower revenues, lower purses and lesser endorsements. So he's in panic mode, fearing a huge drop in what he can secure for his clients as far as endorsement deals. I had dinner with him tonite and he was clearly stressed out. When a sport relies so heavily on one superstar, if the shine gets tarnished on that star, the repurcussions are seismic, closest to the epicenter, radiating outward, diminishing in strength, but still palpable.

As I've mentioned before, Danny would be closer to my heart and pussy, if he weren't such a man-whore. But he did give me 4 boxes of golf balls, and some golf towels to give to my Dad for Xmas! Scratch another name off my Xmas list.

P.S. And scratch another name off my list as Danny also hooked me up with some tennis swag for my sister for Xmas!