A Brief History of the toad

Everyone who has landed on my blog wants to know: Is toad your slave or your boyfriend? Popping into my blog midstream can lead to confusion. So let me make this 'crystallee' clear! Toad is a slave. I advertised for a slave on craigslist back in January and the toad hopped into my life. The toad is a 40 year old loser, who hasn't had a girlfriend in 8 years, and brief that relationship was, a matter of weeks. Before that, toad hadn't dated since college. He claims that, over the years, his family has tried to fix him up with desperate divorcees or unattractive, even fat Cuban women in hopes that they will snare the toad. But the toad can only be enticed by very pretty girls, who know how to use him for their financial gain.

But the most financial gain is realized from toad no longer wanting his family, friends or co-workers to think he is a fag or a loser. And he realizes that he'd have to pay, in an alternate reality, if he did have a real girlfriend. So why not cut out the pure bullshit, the awkward romance? And so for special appearance fees, I date him or attend a gallery opening, a film festival, or a family wedding, etc., to give the aura that the toad has a girlfriend. His private slave duties include cleaning my apartment, doing my laundry, fueling up my car, running errands.

His family are, of course, in disbelief. It would be easier to believe, if I were ugly or fat or older. But for him to be dating someone so much younger, and pretty, does not seem possible. They probably think I'm a hooker he has hired. Well, hired yes, hooker no. Wait, I am a hooker! I hooked toad.