Sara for Hire?

Sara, can I hire you to contact this girl I am dating, please please, tell her you used to date me and that I am a small dicked loser she should not even pay attention to, let alone date. I have been trying to break up with her, I don't call her, she calls me, I can't say no when she asks me out. The problem is I'm cute, smart and rake it in. Girls say I look like Ryan Phillippe. I should just go gay so I don't have to deal with girls. Please email her, call her, I'll pay you!

I don't think you need to hire me. Just take a shot of your 3 1/2" and email it to her with a notation:

Baby I can't wait to stick this into your hot twat. I jerk this thing 6 times a day thinking about your honeyhole. Sometimes I sit outside your place in my car and jerk it. And can you do me a favor, can you wear something super slutty for our next date. I want to be a walking hard-on till we get to do the tubesteak boogie!

If that doesn't get rid of her, I don't think anything will!

{Photo of our Loser giving the universal Loser sign}