If- (Was A Night Before Christmas)

If you can ask Santa for another year of celibacy, when all about you

Are kissing under misletoe and blaming it on you,

If you can worship Black Bulls so that girls humiliate you,

But make allowance for Empress Sara's teasing too;

If you can send Christmas wishes to Sara, Nicole and Ember, as you're cruelly berated,

But never pretend to be hung, don't deal in lies,

If you're there to be laughed at, don't give up because you're hated,

Accept your place this winter, and your feeble penis size:



If you can dream of Sara - and pay her every Xmas Bonus Buck

If you can think of Her - and make those thoughts your aim

If you can hope for girls to go black, and accept that white boys suck,

And encourage real men to hit on your most beloved old flame;

If you can bear to hear the brutal truth the Goddess has spoken

And look upon Santa as a cuckolded fool,

Realizing that, to Mrs Claus, he is no more than a token,

As on Christmas Eve she's filled and thrilled with Big Black tools:



If you collect all your presents, cash and trimmings

And send them to Ruiness Sara who is your true Boss,

And when you've paid, start next year at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and mind and purse

To serve your Empress for now and forever,

And accept your shriveled, snow white willy is the worst

But that being owned by sweet Sara is worth the endeavor!



If you can sing your Christmas Carols with meaning and virtue,

Then talk with Size Queens you can never touch,

If the hotties in red Xmas stockings laugh at, and hurt you,

And this makes your lil' dick stand out, but none too much;

If you can fill 2009's final minute

With sixty seconds' worth of Niteflirt fun,

You belong in Sara's Playroom, with everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Yuletide Cuckold, every last one!


Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936) & Peewee (1976-Present Day)

peewee that is truly amazing, I went back online to read the original poem and you've crafted something quite extraordinary! Merry XXXmas! ~ Ruiness Sara

Blame it on the Leather

Since quite a few of you have asked, what did fatfuck get me for XXXmas, call it a holiday gift, since he's Jewish....

Yes, fatfuck was my biggest holiday contributor, in cash that is, he paid via meeting up with me in a Coach store. I love the smell of the Coach Leather Goods store, I couldn't work there, the smell of leather is just too intoxicating for me, I'd be in a perennial sexual swoon.

Apparently, in the Fuck household, it is traditional to do the one gift each nite of Hanukkah. Fatfuck, who never plans ahead in such matters, was picking up another gift for Mrs. Fuck every day. Jewelry, scarf, an orchid for her collection, etc etc. On the 8th day he had run out of ideas, so he offered to give me my holiday cash and begged me to help him with the final gift of the holiday. So I told him to meet me at the Coach store at an appointed time. Fatfuck now has a 'driver' due to his heart condition. At the appointed time, Fatfuck appeared, handed me my cash and I showed him the handbag I had selected for Mrs. Fuck. Perhaps I should have charged a personal shopper's fee in addition???

I picked the fugliest handbag, but later I realized the error of my ways. I should have listened to Nicki. I was talking to her on my cell, she said, if you think it's fugly, she will probably like it! So pick something you like, so she will hate it!

I felt like slipping a note inside the handbag before fatfuck arrived: Your husband is a FAGELE! He sucks cock. He licks my ARSCH! I missed my golden (no pun intended) opportunity.

Happy Holidays from me and Nicole!



I'll be home for Christmas....home here in FLA that is. Will spend a few hours with my Dad then go up to Mom's for her annual Italian food feast. My sister is going to work so she can make like $1,000 doing a 12 hour nursing shift, but will be at Mom's for a few hours before she has to don her scrubs. My sister doesn't mind working around the holidays as the iota of altruism in her drives her to work so that one other nurse with a family doesn't have to. My Mom also wants to indulge her George Clooney crush and see 'Up in the Air' with me. I don't know if I'm going to be tortured for 2 hours or surprised if I end up liking the film.

Since some of you have asked if I want anything for XXXmas, well yes! Amazon e-gift certificates would be awesome and most welcome. You can email a gift cert totally anonymously from you, if you don't want me to know your real name, which is why I suggest this to a few of you who guard your privacy and will the wife bitch if she sees a charge form Amazon on the credit card statement? Nooooo.

Nicole is going on a ski trip to Colorado after New Year's when there is a major lull at the club. The question is: does she ski? Well um kinda. From what I hear she spends most of her time looking cute in her skiwear or in the heated spa or at the niteclubs. Then I assume she and evil Ember will be plotting their trip to Hungary!

Nicole and Ember are going to Hungary!

No they're not going HUNGRY! They're planning on going to Hungary. But first, they must learn some key words in Hungarian:

Mi forró remek amerikai lányok és szeretnénk megtesznek minden ön pénzt!**

Yes, gold-digging Nicole and loser dating specialist Ember have their eyes on the prize! Two homeless Hungarian men who have been living in a cave just hit the lottery!



Grandma died and left her long lost grandsons and their sister 7 billion dollars. Quick math, divide by three: each of them get 2 1/3 billion dollars. These men are no match for two wicked American blondes. Nicole can pole dance around stalagmites or stalactites without tights. Even if the gold-miners only get a million, spending a few hours learning some Hungarian will pay off!

Click for News Story

**Translation: We are two fucking hot American girls and we are here to take your money!

Nicole's XXXmas Present is going to be....



BIG PENIS BOOK

Now why the publisher chose a pink background for the Penis Book cover doesn't make sense to me, but I am willing to forgive this faux pas, as my Size Queen juices started flowing as I gazed upon the sneak preview collection of massive cocks I wished I could either suck or fuck.

Tiger's Fall-out

As some of my blog readers know, I have an on-again off-again thing with Danny-boy, who has a sports marketing firm, its specialty? Endorsements for golfers. He's not at the Tiger Woods or top player level by any means, but the fall-out of the Tiger Woods situation is that with potentially less viewers for the televised events if Tiger isn't playing and / or a big drop in interest in the sport if Tiger isn't playing, means that there will be potentially lower revenues, lower purses and lesser endorsements. So he's in panic mode, fearing a huge drop in what he can secure for his clients as far as endorsement deals. I had dinner with him tonite and he was clearly stressed out. When a sport relies so heavily on one superstar, if the shine gets tarnished on that star, the repurcussions are seismic, closest to the epicenter, radiating outward, diminishing in strength, but still palpable.

As I've mentioned before, Danny would be closer to my heart and pussy, if he weren't such a man-whore. But he did give me 4 boxes of golf balls, and some golf towels to give to my Dad for Xmas! Scratch another name off my Xmas list.

P.S. And scratch another name off my list as Danny also hooked me up with some tennis swag for my sister for Xmas!

Fucktoys Part I: Arion

So many of you have asked about my fucktoys, ask and maybe ye shall be rewarded ....Expect a 4 part series!

I use studboys with large cocks like I use my dildos. Toys in the drawer I pull out depending on my mood. Different flavors, large sizes. Just one is different. He uses me as much as I let him which still means I have the power. It's just that I can never reach him when I want him. This gets under my skin, the one way fuck street. I have to wait for him to get in touch with me. I instinctively jump when he texts.

Arion: ur pussy wet?

me: NO (I lie)

Arion: get wet

me: WHY

Arion: Im cumming over

Playing hard to get is impossible with Arion. Arion never sets up anything more than 10 minutes in advance in his life, including getting laid. Depending on where he's driving around Miami, he probably has all his chicas marked on his GPS, so he calls or texts the closest girl to his location. But Arion can make me instantly wet. His cock is awesome, his body, his cocky attitude. I open the door, he has already texted me: be naked r wear clothes u dont care abt (yes he will rip them off me). This time I have on a black tank top and a pair of black thongs. My sacrifices to sex.

I open the door, he walks in. Fuck traffic, he says. Then he grabs me. Pushes me up against the wall. Should I fuck you right here? I wanna see your tits. I pull up my top over my tits. Perfect tits. He yanks my thong, it digs into my ass crack and slit, he yanks harder and I hear it tear, he lets it fall, unzips. I pull his shirt off, I want his skin against mine. He has very little body hair, he's half
black, and his skin color is the color of cappuccino. My girlfriends say he looks like Lenny Kravitz, I agree. He's got a delicious body, delicious skin, scent, pheromones. Fuck cologne, ugh, I hate when men douse themselves with that. I need to inhale skin, natural scent.

I want to devour his body, but he denies me access by immediately fucking me. I only get to kiss him, to suck on his tongue, to lick his neck while he fucks me. He's strong enough to hold me up or pin me against the wall and do me. This wall abuts the neighbor's. I can picture them with glasses cupped to the wall listening to the pounding, the moans, my orgasms. I like an audience, aural or otherwise.

I've been fucking Arion and his thick 8" cock for 7 years. I might be the longest on his rotation too. Somehow we haven't gotten sick of each other. But probably because we spend no actual time with each other to get on each other's nerves. It's all about the fucking or sucking. Very little convo.

After we fuck there isn't anything to say. How've you been. Good, What've you been up to. Same old same old.

After he leaves, I get out my vibrator and buzz my clit. About 5 minutes later he texts: Wuz it good. As if I need to answer....

rHonda paid for my Honda 3xxx

Nicole is getting jealous that all I have to do is snap my fingers and rHonda pays for my Honda. rHonda earns it, but I deserve it! Keep slaving away rHonda as I still have 2 more years till it's paid off ;-)

A Special Message to THE PIG

Nicole wants her new Corvette now!

THE PIG can drive a clunker!

upDATES


Ember

Yes, she is still using Loser Lee. She 'broke up' with him so he would come crawling back, of course he did, with money in hand. She also found a new victim from her dating site loser goldmining, Dorko. She emailed me a pic of Dorko to show off her new catch and I recognized Ember's bitchboy! He was a weak wimp who had been on a sugar daddy site, a site that I had been using to find losers to enslave. So I quickly went back to the sugar daddy site to see if his profile was there, but it had vaporized, so apparently he was looking for dates after striking out as a sugar daddy.

According to Ember, he is very willing to pay for dates, because there would be no way his ass would get dates otherwise. And once when he asked about sex, she smacked his face! Then she made him say he was sorry for asking. I'm glad Ember put him in his loser place. I had put him in his loser place over a year ago, meeting him for coffee and getting $100 from him, but I think I scared him off, my demands and expectations were too overwhelming. But he can handle dinner plus movie or other dates on a pay-per-date basis. Pisses me off that I didn't give the wimp a faux girlfriend alternative, but sometimes I get carried away with being a dominant bitch.

Nicole

She has her pet cocksucker Kweer who is a quite lucrative gayboyslave forking over cocksucking fees. She also has summoned slave idiot this week and is waiting to see if he either shows up at the club or calls her back. It's about time we went on another slave idiot Amex shopping spree!

Taylor

Are wedding bells in Taylor's future? Y-E-S! She is willing to marry this total loser to take everything from him, we mean everything, all his assets, even his beloved golf clubs. If he doesn't marry her (and get divorced hahaha 24 hours later), her parents are pressuring her to go to law school. Her parents are both lawyers and find her current occupation (bartending) an abomination. Taylor just doesn't think she can go thru 4 more years of school. Her parents are willing to cover law school, but she'd have to move back home! Fate worse than death!

fatfuck

...is busy too busy always busy. Since he's back to work, after having quadruple bypass surgery, he's been too busy to play, and he hasn't been able to do much except watch me play with Nicole, fearful of running his b.p. up too high. But I think I'll hit up fatfuck for a shopping spree, since I need to keep the fatfuckfishy nibbling at my hook.

This will be NICOLE'S !!!!


CLICK HERE for DETAILS!

KWEER

...is Nicole's newest slavetoy. He comes into the club and begs her to be pimped out so she sends him to the closest ABS and orders him to call her cell phone* and leave a message of him slurping on a dick. He doesn't have a cell phone camera otherwise Kweer would be taking pix of himself sucking dicks. She charges Kweer a $100 cocksucking fee. Then he must cum back to the club, pay her another $100 fee and go into the Mens Room and stare at guys peeing until someone asks if he's a faggot. Usually, she sends in Antonio the big black bouncer if someone hasn't faggotized him. He's also supposed to start setting up ads on Craigslist or gay sites and suck even more cock. Oh and the best part, Kweer is married LMAO!!! Nicole sends him home with cum breath. It seems like dickless wimps all over, not just on NITEFLIRT, are being turned KWEER by beautiful girls....


*her "work" cell phone lolol that she never answers but will listen to voicemails, this is so she can have a number to give out to guys who ask for her number, it's in her best interest to give them a number to get more TIP$...

BYE BYE CORVETTE!!

A script for a short film by THE PIG

Starring: THE PIG (also known as 'IT')

Co-starring:
Sara
Nicole
Taylor
Ember
Nicki
Judith (Nicki's friend, also a lawyer & hardcore man-hating lesbo)


Premise: Nicole is going to take THE PIG's Corvette!!!!

THE PIG's thespian moment a/k/a pathetic monologue:

OMG SARA..... PLEASE STOP...... YOU'RE SCRAMBLING my FUCKING PIGGIE MIND.... DEAR JESUS PLEASE STOP.... YOUR WORDS ARE CONJURING UP THE MOST INTENSE IMAGES... MAKING my little pigtail SO FN STIFF..... PUSHING me DOWN TO my KNEES, NAKED, MOUTH WIDE OPEN OBEDIENTLY TO RECEIVE WHATEVER YOU DEEM APPROPRIATE....my MOUTH AN INSTRUMENT TO AMUSE YOU.... TO GARGLE OR HOLD CUM.... TO TAKE 1, 2, 3, 5, 10, 20 AS MANY COCKS AS YOU WISH... ALL SHOOT IN my mouth...

OH LOOK..... ITS NICOLE AND SHE'S GOT THE KEY to the CORVETTE!!!!!!!!!!! AND OH GOD IT HITS ME... BEING MANIPULATED AND COERCED AND USED BY THESE EVIL HEARTLESS MERCILESS MANIPULATRICES INTO ACTUALLY GIVING my VETTE AWAY....... OMG O JESUS CHRIST..... THEY WEREN'T JOKING OMG OMG THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE THE PIG DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG NO RULES ANYMORE..... THEY WANT TO GET me COMPLETELY FN OUT OF my MIND

Action:

WE TIE THE PIG TO A COUCH CHAIR STRICTLY LEGS PULLED APART, DRESSED UP, TIED UP, FUCKED UP, LIPSTICKED, HIGH HEELED, LEWDLY SPREAD AND SWOLLEN TIED UP COCK AND BALLS...... LOTS OF DIFFERENT GIRLS WITH VIDEO CAMERAS....

THE PIG: i'm DIZZY SARA i think i'm GONNA PASS OUT.... PLEASE HELP ME.....

SARA: (SMILING WICKEDLY) 'OF COURSE I'LL HELP'.... 'HELP NICOLE GET HER VETTE (EVIL LAUGHTER)!!!

Action:

THEN YOU GET ON ONE SIDE OF ME AND NICOLE GETS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME AND OOOOOOOOOOOO NICOLE HAS my VETTE KEY AROUND HER NECK DANGLING AND i FEEL LIKE i AM AT AN EXECUTION....... AND i want to die.... o cum and die at the same time..... AND TAYLOR AND EMBER COME CLOSE TO FILM IN CLOSE UP and i REALIZE THAT THIS IS WHAT i AM SUPPOSED TO BE..... YOUR TRUE OWNED SLAVE.....

AND THEN JUDITH APPEARS FROM THE CROWD AND OPENS A LEGAL SIZED FORM RIGHT BELOW MY RIGHT HAND AND I LOOK AT YOU AND YOU ARE GIDDY WITH DELIGHT AND I LOOK AT NICOLE AND SHE LOOKS POSITIVELY PREDATORY BUT AMUSED..... AND NICKI PUTS A PEN IN MY HAND AND AT THE SAME TIME YOU AND NICOLE TAKE TURNS ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY STROKING MY BOUND GROTESQUELY SWOLLEN TIED UP COCK.....

Sara and Nicole: "IF YOU DON'T SIGN ... YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CUM!!!!!! BUT IF YOU SIGN WHEN WE TELL THE PIG...... IT WILL BE THE ABSOLUTE BEST ORGASM OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TEN TIMES OVER!!!!!!!"

THE PIG'S PATHETIC MONOLOGUE continues:

AND OMG OMG OMG HELP HELP ME HELP ME..... i KNOW THIS IS TRUE!!!!!!!! HELP ME HELP ME....... HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING???????? BUT ITS SO GOOD.... I LOVE SARA AND NICOLE GOD FN GOD...... STROKING S O O O O O O O O SLOWLY..... AAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH getting close!!!!!!!!

Sara and Nicole: "AND IT WILL ALSO BE THE LAST ORGASM YOU HAVE FOR AT LEAST A MONTH ..... BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING INTO CHASTITY RIGHT AFTER YOU SHOOT AND YOU WILL BE IN CHASTITY FOR US FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!"

Action:

SARA PROUDLY DISPLAYS THE KEY FOR THE CHASTITY CAGE TO EVERYONE.... STROKING AND STROKING JUST A LITTLE FASTER SARA MILKS THEN NICOLE MILKS AND THE GIRLS FILM AND it FEELS its PIG PAW MOVING TO THE SOLID LINE ON THE BILL OF SALE.......

WHAT ONLY $1.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE PIG'S MONOLOGUE oinks on:

AND DEAR GOD HELP me i AM SOOOO EXCITED AND MY BEAUTIFUL OWNERS ARE GOING TO TAKE POSSESSION OF me AND BE IN CONTROL OF EVERY THOUGHT I HAVE, EVERY EMOTION i FEEL.... EVERYTHING i DO...... BE I CONTROL OF MY VERY RARE ALLOWED ORGASMS.... IN CONTROL OF WHEN I EAT, WHO I SUCK, WHERE I GO, IN CONTROL OF WHAT I WEAR, IN CONTROL OF MY ERECTION AND MY VERY EXISTENCE.......... AND I KNOW THIS IS WHAT I NEED..... OH CHRIST ITS COMING SOON ITS COMING SOON ITS COMING SOON.....


Sara and Nicole: "NOW LET'S SEE THOSE TEARS WE ALL ENJOY SO MUCH CRY BABY CRY!"

Action:

AND AS IF A SPONGE HAD BEEN SQUEEZED THEY START TO JUST STREAM DOWN MY CHEEKS ALONG WITH GENUINE SOBS.... FEELS LIKE MY CHEST AND COCK ARE GOING TO EXPLODE TOGETHER..... S T R O K E...... i WAS BORN TO BE A PIG FOR THESE GIRLS I THINK AND IT FEELS SO PERFECT AND YOU ARE BOTH SMILING SO VERY VERY EVIL AND IT'S SO HAPPY CAUSE IT MADE YOU BOTH HAPPY YOU WITH THE CHASTITY KEY AROUND YOUR NECK AND NICOLE WITH THE VETTE KEY AROUND HERS...... THE PRECUM IS JUST GOBBING OUT THE TIP OF MY COCK NOW WHICH LOOKS LIKE A PURPLE PLUM..... THE TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN.... AND NOW........... OMG OMG OMG....

NICKI PULLS MY PIG HEAD WAY BACK AND THEN BACK DOWN TO SEE MY RIGHT HAND .... MOVING BY YOUR WILL AND NICOLE'S WILL, COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL..... AND AS THE CUM BEGINS TO ERUPT SARA MAKES ME LOOK RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA AND SAY:

"i'm THE PRIVATE PROPERTY OF SARA AND HER GIRLFRIENDS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND AS MY HAND FINISHES THE VERY LAST STROKE OF MY SIGNATURE JUDITH SNATCHES THE PAPER AWAY EVERYONE LAUGHS AND CLAPS AND YOU LOOK AT ME AND SAY, "SHOW EVERYONE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE BEING OUR PIG.... SHOOT IT HIGH IN THE AIR FOR US PIGGY.......AND SHOW EVERYONE HOW MUCH YOU'RE A LITTLE CRYBABY BECAUSE NICOLE TOOK YOUR CAR AWAY"

Tears tears are streaming while ITS cum SHOOTS UP INTO THE AIR. THE EVIL MANIPULATRICES WERE RIGHT, THE MOST INTENSE ORGASM EVER and NO SOONER THAN THE LAST DROP, THEY CLAMP ON THE CHASTITY CAGE AND LOCK UP MY COCK.

Nicole: "WIPE the WINDSHIELD WITH YOUR TEARS and TONGUE CRYBABY!!!"

Action:

THEN NICOLE AND SARA DRIVE AWAY in the VETTE laughing and laughing, the VETTE is decorated with tin cans tied to streamers off the back, clanking down Ocean Drive, but instead of a sign saying JUST MARRIED, THE VETTE has a bumper sticker that says:

JUST $1 OINK OINK

Look the Part, Play the Part

As many of you have been asking for the update on my latest faux girlfriend gig.... Yes, I went as faggyboy Adam's faux girlfriend to his father's 50th birthday shindig. It was a huge event (over the top!) with Adam's family, and his dad's friends and colleagues. At first, I wasn't sure why Adam even needed a faux girlfriend, it didn't seem like I was such a necessity until I met Adam's brother and his brother's hot piece. Then it became clear, this was a duel of the hot piece girlfriends. I had deliberately JAP'd myself up a little bit, glaring nail polish, a trifle more make-up and jewelry. Look the part, play the part. I pulled it off. Adam was clearly gloating, selling his porno collection on Craigslist was worth it, if only for a few hours, to show everyone he was equally capable of having a hottie girlfriend and cast the illusion that he wasn't a loser, until the carriage turned back into a pumpkin and the dress back into rags as he made his way back to his place to find the cotton candy pink-haired bongsucking leech stoned and snoozing on the sofa.

rhonda paid for my HONDA again!

As Nicole and I regaled everyone (terribly) in a previous recording, rhonda made my Honda payment! Again, 2 months in a row? Let's make it 3 rhonda ;-) As mentioned in a previous posting, most of Nicole's Mustang was paid for by slave abe. I should just be able to snap my fingers and rhonda should click!

On the Edge

As my faux girlfriend gig approaches, Adam informed me that my paid appearance fee is sitting in the safe at work. What? Why? Because Adam is so compulsive about his weakness for 420, he didn't want to blow the money he made from selling his porn collection on Craigslist a/k/a my faux girlfriend fee, literally, blow it. So he asked the boss at the club to put the money in the safe and not to give it to him for any reason, even if he begged, until the appointed date and only when I show up with him to pick it up and head off to his father's 50th birthday party.

I asked Adam today how his girlfriend feels about not going to the birthday party, solely because Adam didn't want to present the pink-haired, tattoo'd and pierced bongsucking leech as his girlfriend with all his relatives there. He admitted 'hint hint' she's not really his 'girlfriend girlfriend'. So she's a weed whore, was the drift I picked up. Altho she now lives at his apartment, because she'd be homeless otherwise. She cooks, cleans, gives oral, but according to Adam, can't get her act together. Meaning she can't keep a job longer than a few weeks and doesn't spend much time looking for new ones. Her parents had kicked her out of the house and she'd been on the sofa circuit (crashing on different sofas) till she landed on Adam's.

I asked if she had any talents, career goals? He just laughed. She does have some talents, he reported. Yeeeah, of course. But she even got rejected when she sent some pics to apply to be a Suicide Girl! Massive blow to her self-esteem or lack thereof. When she does get a job, he said, instead of kicking him over some money toward rent or bills, she spends the money on body art and ornamentation. I can't imagine a life at 25 where there is no future except watching more tv, occasionally running a vacuum, getting a new tatt or piercing when there's cash and sucking on cock to get to suck on a bong.

Despite my lack of responsibility in certain areas of my life, namely partying, I still have a core, an ethic to work hard, do something with my life and when I see a girl who just has nothing, no core, no work ethic, I wonder how long can she hold out? How long can she play Scheherazade to Adam's Persian King before he gets bored or tired of her bullshit. Before she ends up getting kicked out of his place, sleeping on the beach and working a corner where the cars slow down to check out the merchandise.

Wedding Bells for TayTay?

One of my Niteflirt sluts is utterly mesmerized by my girlfriend Taylor and said he would be willing to give up all of his assets to be married to her for just 24 hours! A marriage that would only be consummated by him kissing her feet. After all the assets are transferred, Taylor has agreed to split them among all the gf's. This loser doesn't deserve to have anything, so we should just take it. And if it takes a 24 hour marriage, Taylor is ready, willing and able.

So among our take will be a condo, an SUV, a liquidated 401K, cash, golf clubs (minus a 4 iron), and other assets too numerous to list here. And why does the little maggot loser get to keep a 4 iron you may ask?

You see TayTay and her fiance will be shopping for a new home, well his new home that is, at appliance stores. He will be inquiring about REFRIGERATOR BOXES. Because he will be living inside of one in an alley, in FTL. He will be permitted to wallpaper the inside of his new cardboard condo with pictures of Taylor's NYLON SOLES and keep his 4 iron to fend off his spot in the alley from other bums.

But TayTay's fiance will be no unemployed bum, he will be working in FTL and giving his paycheck to her. He won't even get an allowance, because he can dumpster dive for food, beg for quarters to do his laundry and suck cock if he needs to make enough to get a monthly gym membership to take daily showers!

Oh Faux!!!!

Faggyboy 420er Adam has asked if I can show up to a family event with him, a 50th birthday party for his father, because he needs a presentable girlfriend instead of his current pink-haired, tattooed and pierced bongsucking leech. He also asked if I could pretend I was Jewish!!!! Sara will pass as a Jewish name, but my last name no. He told me to use the last name Cohen if asked. Oy vey! Of course, this is a paid appearance and it's 3 few weeks off yet, so I can prepare for my faux-ery. I couldn't believe the dollar amount he offered me, because Adam always plays poor. However, he gleefully reported he had sold his entire porn DVD collection on Craigslist. He said there's enough free porn on the net and doesn't need his DVD porn anymore. So true!

Car Facts Report

Who needs $4,500 from the government to finance a new car, when pretty girls should have slaves to finance theirs!

A while ago Nicole and I sang our way thru a Niteflirt recording about rhonda paying for my Honda, it was a very corny song with a chorus of: rhonda has to pay for my honda (I know, how original). Well rhonda did make my Honda payment this month haha. Thank you rhonda! And remember there are 12 payments every year!

Nicole's 'Stang is completely paid for, she paid cash, well this was a few years ago, back when her g-string was flapping with bills like palm fronds in the wind. Tho her major car cash contributor was her most spendy slave of all time, slave abe, the jeweler! Too bad slave abe came down with senile dementia or alzheimer's, or his family claimed he did once they found out how much money and jewelry he had given Nicole!

upDATES

So many have asked: did idiot show up as commanded at the strip club to spend even more $$$$ on Nicole. Alas no, he did not. As usual, idiot disappeared back into the ether, to recuperate from the financial and emotional devastation that Nicole and I dished out.

So many have also asked: did the baby whale who dropped $500 for a tiger stripe peek-a-boo ever show up at the club, and that answer is also no, strike 2 Nicole.

Even more have asked: did we play with fatfuck in our clamdigging session, and the answer is no, fatfuck was just an audience. I'm sure he was testing his cardiovascular system to see if he could handle watching such hotness without overheating, which he could, but he didn't wank or ask for any ballkicking or other favors haha. So we both spit in his mouth, which he loved, and he forked over the dough like a good little fat doughboy. He wants to book another session in about 2 weeks. He also looks very different, healthier. He shaved his beard and 'stache. He's lost alot of weight. I joked that he must have gotten a complimentary gastric bypass with the quadruple bypass and he said no, he had hired a nutritionist to consult over his diet and then hired a cook to prepare all of his meals. He is going to be exercising, and wants to lose 75 more pounds. A skinny fatfuck! Just say no!

And last but not least, so many have asked: Did Nicole shave the tiger stripe or keep it? Nicole waxed it. So the rare, natural blonde tiger stripe disappeared at the muffrippers (waxing salon). But Nicole can always revive it, if the offer is right!

Ass Fresheners!

Nicole said that a club customer gave her a crisp bank $20 and a crisp bank $1 and asked if she would stick the $1 in her ass crack to scent it and give it back to him and keep the $20, which she did. She reported that he sniffed the bill then put it in his wallet. What's up with all this sniffery?

Nicole told him to dangle it from his car's rear view mirror like one of those little pine tree car air fresheners. Ohhh he said, there is nothing like the smell of money and a girl's ass....So if you see a guy driving around Miami with a $1 bill dangling from his rear view, you will know it's one of Nicole's ass fresheners....

Shut up and Sniff!

So on Tuesday afternoon, the idiot took Nicole and I shopping. Nicole and I bought sundresses and then a pair of sandals each. We also got manicures and made the idiot wait while we got our nails done. The only magazines at the salon were girlie mags, Nicole made him read Cosmo. Nicole was going to make him blow on our nails to dry them instead of using the mini-fans, but there were too many other matronly type customers who might have freaked. The girls who worked there got a major kick out of the whole scenario, because we made him over-tip them and thank them profusely for doing our nails so beautifully.

Then idiot got to do 'sock pussy' in his SUV while we acted excruciatingly bored, in fact, Nicole started brushing her hair while idiot was begging to see the blonde tiger stripe, so finally Nicole flashed the tiger stripe and brushed it with her hair brush, told idiot to shut up then made idiot sniff her hair brush. Then after idiot spurted into his sock, Nicole cleaned her hair brush, and gave him a little tangly snatch of hair and told him to go home and sniff that and masturbate onto it. Which I'm sure the idiot did.

The Take: $450 for the sundresses and sandals
Manicures with Tip: $90
Tiger Stripe Viewing Fee: $300 (of which I got $100 for my time)

Plus idiot is supposed to come to the club tonite or tomorrow nite to worship Nicole, if his Amex and cash stash can bear it, we shall see....

The Lure of the Blonde Tiger Stripe

So the baby whale did not show up, which means that Taylor and Jessica owe Ember and me drinkies. Taylor will probably just tell everyone to come to the club where she bartends and she'll slide us freebies. While the baby whale did not answer the call of the blonde tiger stripe, slave idiot did!!! Nicole did not even summon the idiot, he just showed up, or should I say her blonde tiger stripe's incredible mesmerizing power summoned the idiot. Then Nicole led idiot around by his dick literally. She made him pay for the VIP area. Then she flashed the tiger stripe. She said his eyes widened when he saw 'it'. At the end of the nite, she wallet raped him by emptying out the remaining cash. Total idiot cash take: $800.

Today idiot called Nicole and said he wants to take Nicole shopping this week and could he see 'it' again. So 'it' is paying off. Nicole told him I get to go shopping with her. Slave adventures on the schedule: Fatfuck is supposed to pay for clam digging and idiot shall pay for shopping and another peek at the rare blonde snatch patch.

$500 for Nothing?

Did the baby whale pay $500 for nothing? He didn't show up last nite for a peek at Nicole's blonde tiger stripe and I am anxiously awaiting a text message from her to see if he shows up tonite. Could he have been so lit 2 weekends ago that he forgot why he withdrew $600 from the ATM? $500 (plus $100 tip) for Nicole to grow her natural blonde tiger stripe instead of sporting a completely shaved pussy. Now some of you have said, well she could just bleach it, but she is a natural blonde. OK so she's a dishwater blonde. And she sees an ultra faggy hair colorist to do very natural highlights. But her club selling point is that she's completely natural, unlike the peroxide bleacher creatures with bolt-on boobs.

Bets are riding on show or no-show, so we will see....

Miami Condos 50% Off?

Yes, it's true! 50% off. Check! Please! Previous prices were hyperinflated, so prices are now "in the reals". Ocean view condos still command the highest per square foot prices compared to bayview or inland, no surprise. Rent-to-own condos are popping up. And with a glut of rental units, rents are dropping with renters making more luxury demands as well. We want granite! We want stainless steel! Spin the wheel, make your deal!

Read the New York Times article here

Fatfuck Canceled Clam Digging!

Postponed till next week, same time, same place. He left a message that he couldn't make it, that fucker! But Nicole and I are ready....haha we practiced.

Clam Digging

Fatfuck called and wants to see me this Wednesday afternoon, but not for the usual session before his QBS. He said he's been testing his cardio by watching porn on the internet, and so far hasn't tripped a switch, so he thinks his heart can handle watching me and Nicole or Taylor go clam digging and scissor legging and getting all lesbionic. I gave Nicole first option and she said YES! So a-clam-digging we will go. The only thing is, will fatfuck be able to withstand the feral power of Nicole's emerging blonde tiger stripe! He claims he will not be jerking, just watching.

The Bets are In!!!

Taylor, Ember, Jessica and I are running bets on whether the Baby Whale will show up in 2 weeks to check out Nicole's rare blonde tiger stripe.

CLICK HERE for the Blonde Peeks Blog Post

We are betting SHOWS or NO-SHOWS. I think since Baby Whale has $500 invested, he will SHOW. Taylor says NO-SHOW, he was just drunk, horny and spendy that nite. Jessica says NO-SHOW because he will be onto the next thrill. Ember is vacillating, because she doesn't really think too deeply into the behavior of the male species, but she put her money on SHOW to even the odds. Well hmmm maybe she is more astute than I thought. Nicole doesn't know we are betting. And the loser(s) must???? Pay for drinks on a girls' nite out and serve as the designated driver(s). Well the loser(s) can always call Chippenstalker for driving services!!!

Blonde Peeks

I went pool whoring this afternoon with my girlfriends and got updates on everyone's slutty activities. Nicole has a new baby whale who spotted her at the club for not having fake peaks. She also added while doing a lap dance that she was even more rare. When the baby whale inquired how so, she replied, that she was a natural blonde, probably the only one in Miami. (Well make that the only one in Miami who swings around a pole.) So he asked if she could prove it and she said not at the moment because she was completely waxed. When he asked how much to grow a little tiger stripe, Nicole reflexively blurted out $500. He said no problem, he would be right back. He must have gone to the ATM, according to Nicole, because he came back with $500 and another $100 tip for the lap dances. He told her he'll be back in 2 weeks for a peek. Nicole is now wondering if she might be able to get more tips for peeks at a real blonde snatch patch.

It's in his Kiss....

and no it wasn't me, Nicole, Ember, Taylor, Jenn or Jessica....

but French pro tennis player, Richard Gasquet, insists that a kiss from a mystery woman known only as 'Pamela' who he met and fooled around with in a Miami niteclub during the WMC (Winter Music Conference) left him with cocaine residue in his boca that caused him to test positive for blow. The Winter Music Conference is when heavy-duty DJ's spin at all the popular clubs, everyone dances and gets a little wild. But somehow I doubt that enough coke grains, as his lawyer claims, were passed when they swapped spit. Com'n it goes up your nose and you might rub a little of the 'crumbs into your gums' as the saying goes. Still, an independent tribunal believed his claim and lifted the 2 1/2 month ban that had been imposed on him.

Story Here

Photo: Richard getting his dance on

Financial Domination 101

Nicole and I have been schooling Ember on Financial Domination 101 and plan to go into more depth tomorrow when we go pool whoring. Just a few of the topics we covered with Ember this past week:

1. Always Check the Wallet

2. Grab the Wallet to Check to be sure the Owner isn't carrying a Poorboy Roll (lots of 1's and 5' with 20's or larger bills as bookends)

3. Check the Owner's Credit Card Stack

4. Check out car, condo, house, etc., meaning Check the Assets!

Ember, to her credit, did check out #4, but ignored the cardinal rule of checking the wallet last week. Last nite however, Ember and I went out for drinks and agreed to allow the loser to meet up with us, so when the loser did pull out the wallet to pay for drinks, she grabbed it and did a little flirtation wave with it asking what she would find if she opened it, teasing the loser. Am I going to find anything I'll like? He didn't even try to grab the wallet back, loser wimp, he just said, ummm ok you can take a look at it. So she opened it up and thumbed thru the cash, quick glance at major credit cards and handed it back to him. I'm sure it made his little peen hard to have a girl look at his wallet. Although the wallet itself was a little beat, don't judge a wallet by its cover ! ;-)

Fireworks

Ember landed a big loser date who paid her $400 to go out on July 4th, dinner and fireworks. Little did the loser know that there was some engineering behind her paid date. She and the loser would then meet up with me and my sister to see fireworks whereupon we would rave about the loser: so this is the guy you've been telling us about! We've heard so much about you! (vom vom barf barf) You could just tell when we laid it on thick, the loser ate it up with a parfait spoon.

But Ember needs more financial domination lessons. When the loser pulled out his wallet and opened it to pay for some fruit Smoothies, Em didn't even glance at the wallet, which of course, I did. This is Financial Domination 101, CHECK the WALLET! So I've got to give Ember more lessons, but she definitely landed a loser with some cash who is gaga over her.

Poor Taylor and Nicole had to work. Well not poor, as I'm sure they made decent tip $$$.

Nicki wasn't impressed with the fireworks. Apparently, she got spoiled up in Whorelando by the epic Disney fireworks, so Miami paled in comparison. But she did catch up with one of her fucktoys for a quickie.

Rankings Part Doh

On the subject of Rankings, one of my girlfriends (she knows who she is, since she reads my blog, but would be pissed if I revealed it was HER) told me she was having arguments with too many of her friends and fuck-friends about why they weren't in her TOP 8. So she switched her Friends List to Alphabetized instead of ordered by personal Rankings. Apparently, she was moving people in and out of the Top 8 spots depending on whims.

Not a good sign when your virtual world becomes more important than your real world or when you obsess about who should be in your TOP 8. Alphabetizing solves only a minor Myspace Attention Whore issue, but still does not solve the problem of spending too much time on Myspace. And Glitter Graphics must Go!!! I hate glitter graphics.

Rankings

Last nite D-boy took me to dinner. D-boy = Danny. This was originally supposed to be 'a double date'. Total cornball term from 1950's movies, I can't believe that's what he suggested we do when he called me earlier in the week. Danny, his brother from Whorelando, me and Nicki. But Nicki is done with all things Whorelando and knows that the doctor, Danny's brother, was only looking for a convenience fuck in Miami. So instead of Danny, Michael, Nicki and Sara, flash back 50 years, it would be Bobby, Tad, Veronica and Ginger going on a double date to the drive-in. No one in the Buick watching the horror flick double feature, we would all be 'making out'. Ewwww no wonder why Nicki took a pass on the past.

But I said yes to the dinner, I don't like passing up free meals especially since I find it impossible to cook for myself, cooking for one? Does it exist? Or is it just a facet of my anorexia that I find it hard to cook for myself. In any case, I felt like a restaurant meal, the whole schmiel. (I can't spell in Yiddish, slave fatfuck taught me phonetically.)

The awkward moment was after dinner, when Danny wanted to head out to any club that wasn't doing a Michael Jackson tribute, I had to concur, I could only take so much of hearing Thriller, Billie Jean remixes, etc etc over and over. So we went to a Cuban place. Danny is Brazilian, well his parents are, so I'm sure we passed for Cubano y Cubanita. I had my favorite Mojitos. Danny was getting amorous, to throw out an old-fashioned word, but I was resistant.

Somehow I can't stand the thought of fucking a guy who is like fucking quite a few other women, women I don't know, I feel like I'm just the calendar girl, log me in on the i-phone as the Friday nite fuck. Maybe I should just look at it like well I need to get fucked too, but there are other guys I have for that, who aren't such man-whores and one is who superstellar in bed. So it's ok for me to fuck whoever I want, whenever I want, I'm fronting a double standard, yet I want a guy to be more selective, more into me? Well yes, hell yes!!! Danny comes in 3rd in my fuck rankings right now. Do girls ever tell guys that? I'm sorry but you're like #3 on my fuck rankings, I'd rather text #1 or #2 to see if they're available.

Or check out new meat....

So I told him I had planned to work, meaning on Niteflirt, which was partially true, it was my back-up plan, so I told him I needed to get back home to hit my prime time, after midnite, make some $$$. He asked how much I expected to make. I wondered why he was asking. Was it out of curiosity? Or was he going to make an offer to buy me out for the nite? So I told him. He gave me a look, a look of disbelief that what I do on Niteflirt can yield that kind of rake. So? I said. There was this very awkward moment where he just looked at me. I could tell he was considering, considering, but he didn't reach for his wallet, didn't make the buy-out offer. Pussy. Total pussy. Because I know he has the money and it wouldn't be like I was a whore, at least by my definition, and even if, so what, I'd make it either way, in the real world or the virtual world.

So I left and caught a cab home. I shut off my cell phone too, I was that pissed. When I got home, I had that itchy feeling to check my cell phone to see if he had called and he had left a message for me to call him back, but I didn't, but there was a message from #1!!!! So I quickly called #1! but only got his VM, called again, VM. Called Nicole and called another girl I know he fucks to see if they were the lucky fuckees, but no. I knew Nicole would be working, but wanted to see if she would have faked a late arrival, flat tires are good excuses for that, in order to get fucked by #1. (Nicole gets more flat tires than anyone else I know hehe.) Then today, #1 called and apologized profusely, he fell asleep, exhausted, hmmmm....ok. I'll let it slip this time.

So I ended up on Niteflirt till 5:30am then broke out one of my toys for my 'sleeping pill' orgasm. I felt like the loneliest and horniest girl in the world.

Casa del Fatfuck Part Tres

I made another visit to my slave who is recuping from QBS (quadruple bypass surgery). Part Tres featured a surprise: bringing faggyboy Adam (aka jewfro boy), fatfuck's designated cocksuckee with me, posing as my faux boyfriend in case the guardian to the gates of fatfuck's money, better known as Mrs. Fatfuck, was in the hacienda. Prompting a fag on how to play straight was really hard to do, because while Adam claims to be bi, he's really a fag, and tends to put together outfits that are gay, so I had to school him on what to wear to this event and how to act. Faggyboy got paid $100, basically I cut him $100 out of my appearance fee. I should make more appearances! My cover story: I work as a staff girl in one of fatfuck's offices. I never worked for fatfuck, my sister did and reported that he hired only hotties (after all we are talking about plastic surgery offices, so image is important) and fatfuck liked to terrorize his staff, which was why when my sister finally turned the tables on him and enslaved him, it was sweet revenge. So it would not be out of the realm of possibility, that I could work for fatfuck, or that Mrs. Fatfuck would not be surprised by the hotness of any of the staff showing up to cheer up the old fat fuck.

Fatfuck was pretty jovial and looked much healthier than he had before. He had his laptop and widescreen and ipod and a few books laying around to keep him busy, he better be worshipping me on the laptop since I emailed pics of me, no nakey ones, lest I tip his BP too high.

We didn't run into the Mrs. Fatfuck creature, but we did encounter one of the junior fatfucks who is in his last year of med school. I am now calling him Whopper Junior. He was cordial to us and thanked us for visiting his father, clueing us in that his father is quite bored and wants to be back in the swing of things. Speaking of the swing of things, Whopper Junior invited us to a pool party he and Whopper (other fatfuck junior) were going to be holding this weekend, but before Adam could open his faggy mouth, I said my boyfriend (I almost vom'd when I said that word) and I already had plans to go windsurfing. Wow, Whopper Junior said, that takes so much skill, I've tried waterskiing and wakeboarding and parasailing but I admit watersports aren't my thing. Now I could have vom'd again at the irony, because watersports of the other kind are his father's thing, so just wait Whopper Junior, just wait.

Pole Dancing for Big Black Cock

"might be worth it to get some of these white pigs to learn to pole dance for BBC" -- blog commenter

Actually, Nicole wanted to force her slave poolboy (who chickened out on her) to Club Lexx (the black strip club in Miami) and make him suck BBC for her in the parking lot**, a private room in the club, or even the men's room, whatever it would take. I can picture him swinging around the pole, much to the laughter of all the black ballas, playas, brothas, etc., hooting and hollering at the white boy begging to smoke black pole. Now that would be a hott BBC fag porn that white pigs would jerk to.

**the parking lot is a source of major action, usually drugs 'n ho's, but poolboy would have been forced to cruise for cock, which is kind of a drug for white pigs anyway, so many are addicted to BBC!!!

Pole Dancing with the Sluts

Many of you have emailed re: Nicole's idea about how her pole dancing reality show sounds great. Some of you have even sent snippets about who already is a hot pole dancer, actress or otherwise:

1. Kate Hudson supposedly has one in her bedroom

2. Kim Kardashian's Mom has one in her bedroom for Bruce Jenner's enjoyment (ewwwww)

3. Britney Spears pole danced her way thru her music video for Gimme More looking more like a crack ho stripper

4. Jessica Biel plays a stripper / pole dancer in "Blue" (this movie isn't even hitting the big screen, guys will have to wack off to Jessica's hotness and boobies on DVD, it's going to direct to video, why oh why, don't movie execs think enough guys will pay to see it in the theater?)

Stripper poles are apparently hot accessories being installed in bedrooms or fantasy play rooms across the country! Yes, it's like: Here's the spa (hot tub), here's the wide screen tv and here's the stripper pole.

Well all I can say is if Nicole gets a reality show, I know she will force me to be one of the pole dancers, and while I would do it for Nicole's sake, I confess while I am good at contorting myself at yoga class, I am not good at swinging around a pole. I tried it when Nicole and I were planning an evil birthday party for Taylor a few years ago, the club was closed, and I really couldn't get the hang of it or the swing of it. Nicole was laughing her ass off. So I could never be a feature dancer, there goes my stripper career that never started haha. And to think Nicole wanted me to start stripping with her when we were both back in college years ago, I went onto Keen instead (now Niteflirt).

And from peewee, more encouragement:

Super idea! Pole Dancing is at an all time high right now, so Nicole should go for it. And if the celebrity angle proves too difficult and/or costly, Nicole could use the confidence inducing aspect of Pole Dancing to sell the 'Plain Jane' unleashes her repressed sexuality through dance idea. Soul enhancing pole dancing! Both men and women would enjoy watching girls-next-door letting their hair down and realizing their potential to become Pole Dancing hotties. As the attached Heather Graham article confirms, it's a perfect solution. Good luck Nicole - go for it!

Heather Graham on Pole Dancing!

Definately Dominate!!!

Half of my biggest pet peeve turns out to be the most misspelled word in the English language according to this article.

I wouldn't have guessed some of the other words on the list as being in the top 10. And the theorists are blaming texting / text messaging, but I don't think that misspelling 'definitely' as 'definately' has anything to do with texting. I use 'def' as a response to a text, such as:

Nicole: u coming 2movies w us 2nite?

Me: Def!

Who has time to type out definately or definitely while texting....

Fauxing with You

I really could kick myself in the ass for not exploiting the dating sites for slaves. Ember has been kicking ass and taking names and turning loser dates into cash. She collects $100 to $200 for coffee meet-ups or dinners, this to prove they are serious and funded and aren't losers and if they want to keep seeing her, same deal. And men are willing to pay. I guess they just factor it into the total amount they're willing to spend on dating and it's a sure thing, meaning the date that is, with a real girl, a pretty girl who they can fantasize might become their girlfriend.... But Ember won't sex them up, she sends them home horny, sometimes with assignments.

It's similar to the faux girlfriend angle I played out a year or so ago, but dropped, just got too busy and distracted to keep it up, but never thought of using the dating sites for fishing out the faux. But I even had another girlfriend who I rarely blog about who was using dating sites to meet men and then she would decide if they were worthy of sexing up or making them pay to see her again, not as an escort but to faux them. Why didn't I think of this. Ugh. Sometimes the obvious eludes me.

If men want escorts, there are plenty to choose from on Eros or Craigslist. If men want to spend time with a real girl, they still have to pay. Men always have to pay, that is the ultimate, ultimate bottom line. Sex or no sex.

So if you see ads for me in the near future on dating sites, ha! I'm not interested in dating, I'm interested in fauxing.

Casa del Fatfuck Part II : Invasion of the Nurse Practitioners

Nicki went to see fatfuck Friday afternoon after her last class of the day in her summer CRNP program. She encountered the elusive creature known as Mrs. Fatfuck whom she reported was "a roly poly cow", with a platinum helmet of what might have been either hair or a wig. Mrs. Fatfuck was obviously aggravated by the commotion of all the visitors. She exchanged bitchy pleasantries with Nicki. "Oh you're studying to be a nurse practitioner, you're trying to put my sons out of business, you nurse practitioners. All the money we've invested in our sons' futures and nurse practitioners are taking over. At least you can't do surgeries, but who knows next they'll start training you to do that, they already have robots doing surgeries, so they might as well let you nurse practitioners cut people open too."

Nicki said fatfuck's heart rate skyrocketed as soon as she sashayed into his room. Fatfuck dismissed Cristobal so he could spend a few minutes alone with Nicki. (Oh the irony because we are shiksas!) He told Nicki he is proud that we have achieved the level we have in the medical field. My sister thanked fatfuck for his "contributions". "Couldn't have done it without you!"

The envelope I picked up from the law office of XYZ&X contained my usual weekly session amount. The envelope was handed to me by a secretary or paralegal who gave me some kind of smug look. I'm sure she was thinking I was fatfuck's plaything picking up a little play money until he could get back to playing live. Nicki gets to pick up her envelope on Monday. I bet the law office will be abuzz that fatfuck has 2 shiksa playthings! How could this be when he weighs close to 300 pounds and the lard must bury the playstick? Little do they know what we do to the playdoh-balls....

Casa del Fatfuck

Today I visited my slave fatfuck at his house. Fatfuck, my numero uno slave, is recovering from quadruple bypass surgery. In this covert operation, I pretended to be someone who worked at his medical office coming by to see how he was doing. I plain jane'd myself, no make-up, hair in a ponytail, t-shirt and jeans shorts (not ultra-slutty daisy dukes) and sandals. I was prepared if I ran into Mrs. Fatfuck, but she was out shopping. I knew where fatfuck lived, but had never been inside the house. Opulent to say the least. The door was answered by a housekeeper in uniform. I almost slipped and said "I'm here to see fatfuck", but she probably would not have understood me as English was definitely not her first language.

Fatfuck was sequestered in a large room and was being babysat by a huge black islander, a male nurse tech named Cristobal. This is because there is no other way to move the massive lard that is fatfuck without Herculean power.

I wasn't sure what to bring fatfuck, meaning a get-well gift, I asked Nicole and she was like 'your presence is a fucking gift' 'just seeing you may kill him, wear something sexy so he'll die'. Of course you have to understand Nicole's morbid sense of humor. This was another reason I plain jane'd myself. If I had done myself up into a to-die-for look, I'm sure he would have had a heart attack on the spot.

The best part was that fatfuck's heart rate went up as soon as I walked in, as he was hooked up to a heart rate and pulse ox monitor. "I've missed you!" I announced. "Everyone's missing you!" "Everyone?" "Yes, even Adam." Cristobal had no idea who Adam is, this is fatfuck's 'cocksuckee'. I added: "Adam is especially missing his injections". This is a joke because fatfuck does botox injections, but it's Adam who gives fatfuck bo-splooge injections.

Fatfuck asked if Cristobal could leave the room for a moment so he could discuss some private business, Cristobal gave a look then left. Fatfuck confessed that he'd missed me more than he could say and also wanted to know if my sister could visit. He asked if I could do something to him, anything, right at that moment. So I whispered in his ear his favorite Yiddish fetish trigger word 'fagele' (no translation needed) and spit on his cheek, a kiss. His heart rate went up even more. It doesn't take much.

He told me to pull out my cell phone and enter a number I was to call tomorrow. His attorney. "I'm going to call him, there will be an envelope there for you tomorrow, just a little bit, I know Wednesdays were our days." Then fatfuck said he loved me. And I saw his eyes were tearing up. It made me feel very sad. I could see an old man who knew his days were numbered and that there was no love in his life. His wife was disinterested in anything but his money and the only joy in his life was when he and I would get together and I would punish his pathetic fat ass. But he and I would also talk and text almost daily. Although I speak of fatfuck in ridicule on my blog, yes I would cry if he were gone, because he was a good man, a good father, and someone who cared about me, which counting on my fingers, there are few, very few who really do.

Chippenstalker?

"I've read your recent blog, which - as always - are fascinating, foxy and funny in equal measures. Your Chippendale Chauffeur offer sounds like one you'll explore. If he was prepared to pay you for the privilege of cleaning, driving and serving for you all, then surely he's in with a chance?" --peewee

peewee,

1. I am not holding my breath waiting to see a pic of the 'Chippendales quality body' this #1 fan claims to have. Nicole thinks the email is a joke, but who knows. Hmmmm maybe she wrote it?

2. Chippendales are gay! They may have hot hardbodies, but the general impression of most women is that they're gay. Why women buy their calendars and clamor for lapdances from prancing Chippendale fags at bachelorette parties is beyond me.

3. Ewww do we want a Chippendales fag to know where each one of us lives as he picks us up and drops us off after a nite of clubbing. Major stalker potential.

4. Ewww again, do we want a Chippendales fag to know where each one of us lives as he vacuums our apartments or condos? And his obsession with vacuuming....He sounds like the obsessive type....

It takes a lot of trust to let a slave into your life, or any man, and to let him know where you live. It's so much easier for a girl to give out her Myspace page these days and let guys into her virtual world than her real one....

Is a Chippendales Vacuum Cleaner better than an Oreck or Dyson?

Dear Sara,

I am your #1 Fan and also love your girlfriends. I live in the Miami area and would love to be your servant. Can I drive you and your girlfriends around when you go out. I have a large SUV which will comfortably seat 4 of you. But I realize as a chauffeur no one should sit in the front while I drive. The rear seat will fit 3. You and 2 of your beautiful girlfriends. I add it is a leather interior. That way you can drink as much as you want without worrying about driving as I chauffeur you from club to club. The only thing I ask is may I wear a Chippendales outfit while I squire you around. I have a Chippendales quality body and work out nearly every day.

I also beg to be your servant in other ways. May I vacuum your apartment and your girlfriends apartments while I wear my Chippendales attire. I do not ask for any sexual favors or payments. I love to vacuum and I am expert at making perfect lines on the carpet with a vacuum.

I do not have a lot of money and can not serve you or your girlfriends financially, but I would love to be your Chippendales chauffeur and vacuum cleaner.

Al



I am too speechless to respond to my Chippendales vacuum cleaner except to request a pic of his 'Chippendales quality body', but I have forwarded his email to my gf's so they can ROFLAO.

BE A PORN STAR!!! or let some myspace jerk wank to you for free

Sara,

Think you have what it takes to be a porn star? We do! Start making thousands every week! I have been in the adult talent industry for now 8 years! I am right now looking for 10 fresh girls to bring into the adult modeling world. Unlike most modeling offers this one is real - you dont have to pay any start up fees or pay for your portfolio photos.

It is ADULT work. If chosen you will become one of 2009's Halo Models. You will be featured in adult videos and magazines, travel to places like Miami, LA, and New York! You will spend 1-2 weeks at a time working each week bringing in anywhere from 3-6 thousand dollars! We also have ways of you making a extra income while you are home and not with us working!

If this is something you are interested in then jump on it! Respond with some information about yourself, some modeling photos (include nudes) and why you think you would be a good asset to the adult industry! Send a contact number and email address so that we have a way of contacting you. Everything is safe and discreet! Hope to hear back from you soon!

Ya, I'll be jumping right on it. Sounds like a faux modeling agency / porn producer / escort service or someone looking for free wank-off photos or phonesex while you chat about what porn you will or won't do.

RING RING: This is Jazz from Halo Models and I'm calling to do our phone interview to see if you have what it takes to be a porn star. Love your pics babe! You've got a hot bod! Let's get right down to it. Will you take it in the ass? (wank wank wank)

And the only Halo Models I could find was in Atlanta and doesn't do adult, they're a legit fashion agency. So obviously the name is being misappropriated for nefarious purposes.

Pole Dancing with the Stars

It all started with my nightmare of 'Mas or No Mas' (Deal or No Deal) see below. Nicole and I began discussing joke ideas for reality shows. Then Nicole came up with an idea that actually seemed intriguing and in the realm of possibility....

"Pole Dancing with the Stars" where strippers teach and coach celeb-u-sluts in stripping and pole dancing routines which the celeb-u-sluts must perform in front of celebrity judges. Of course, one celeb-u-slut stripper is eliminated weekly till the winner pole dances her way to stripper stardom.

The pitch is simple: What guys wouldn't want to watch celeb-u-sluts and strippers in skimpy outfits stripping and pole dancing? And from what Nicole and I have read, reality tv shows look for ho's and low's (low budgets). So we'll see if Nicole can research and find a production company that might be interested in doing a pilot episode. Of course, Nicole has to be one of the strippers.

Cruise

Taylor got laid off from the cruise line, she was fully expecting to get laid off, and was merely waiting for the sword to drop. So now she's back to her old job, bartending. Back when she was in school, she did a few summer cruises as a bartender hoping to make some extra cash for school, she didn't make that much since the cruise line didn't pay service staff well and she found most cruisers to be shitty tippers. Then she ended up getting hired by the same cruise line after graduation to play in their marketing department. Now Taylor's working it, pool whoring, running ads online for Sugar Daddies. She tried to hook back up with her former Sugar Daddy, but it didn't pan out. So now she's behind the bar and grinding the blender.

Unfortunately, she's operating under the same urban legend that Nicole is....someone will just walk into the club, see her and fall in love. The rescue fantasy lives. Because there is proof that is it happened in SoFlo, Proof #1: Matt Damon married that Luciana chick, who was a barmaid at Crobar (big tourist-y hotspot club). And now George Clooney is squiring around a cocktail waitress from another Miami club... When my mother reported that she read that in some gossip rag, she emailed 'sigh, if it only could have been me!!!' meaning her... or me? I wasn't sure. I know she has a huge crush on the early Mel Gibson and vintage George Clooney. But my gaydar goes off whenever I see Matt Damon, and always goes cuckoo for Clooney-puffs. Clooney's cocktail waitress, Lucy (hmmm I see a name similarity), is also a model!!! Duh, aren't we all??? Every cocktail waitress in Miami is also a model... in their own mind or on their Myspace or they do 'parties', car and boat shows, I mean that's what it's like to be a model in Miami.


Lucy, Model in Miami!
But apparently, Lucy hit the pot of fag-gold at the end of the gay rainbow. OK, I admit, I'm jealous, I wouldn't mind playing the beard, de-gaying a rich fag. So if you are a rich fag, and need a faux girlfriend, and are very, very generous, hit my email.

fatfuck's alive!

Many of you have asked, and I appreciate everyone's concern, that yes, fatfuck survived his quadruple bypass surgery. Although, I'm sure mrs. fatfuck is crying over the will and life insurance policies, dammit dammit dammit.

So now fatfuck has been given the proverbial new lease on life. What I don't know is, when he will be up for ballkicking. I doubt I'll be able to walk on him again like a rug, as I'm sure his chest couldn't take 105 lbs of compression where it was cracked open. But I'm sure there are other flavors of amusement and abuse fatfuck will be able to enjoy or endure once his doctor says he can 'resume sexual activities'. Little does fatfuck's doctor know what those 'sexual activities' will be....

Evil Minds Think Alike

Nicole and I were lamenting over our disappearing realtime slaves when talk turned to who, in fantasy, no make that IN REALITY, we would like to make our complete bitches. You know, make them: kiss ass, lick feet, put in panties, run errands, clean the condo, walk the dog and scoop the poop (ok the latter applies to Nicole's shihtzu).

We both came up with the same trio of bitches! The annoying freecreditreportdotcom bandboys! Too bad they are all the way up in Quebec, yeah, I mean OUI, those French Canadian wimps need dominant bitches like us to completely control them and take their Canadian dollars!

The Mystery and Dilemma of Disappearing Slaves

First the toad hops away, then Nicole loses josephine. Both were lost to pussies, yes they started dating! How dare they! Nicole's slave Abe the Jeweler went senile and his family now keeps him locked away. Slave idiot is off the puppet stage right now, sobbing over his Amex bill. This, after Nicole pulled his strings for more goodies. Then her slave known as poolboy was supposed to be in town the first week of May for biz and play and she's sure he did hit town, but didn't get in touch with her and is avoiding her. Fucker.

I can't even recount how many slaves I scared away, one with my strap-on who ran off to Boston, or claimed he did, and changed his cell phone number to 617 to reflect that he left SoFlo and hit Mass, but I guess cellular companies can assign different cell numbers with a Beyonce finger-snap, so I think he was just cloaking. Because Ember thought she saw him at the Sagamore, while he was supposed to be in Beantown.

And now fatfuck is supposed to have quadruple bypass surgery. He says I seem to be more concerned about him than his wife. Go figure that. She's probably counting the beans that will spill her way, if he doesn't make it after they crack open his chest like a lobster. Me, I'm counting the beans I would lose.... Anyway, Nicki is back in town soon, sometime at the end of this month. She wants to re-appropriate fatfuck from me, but it looks like he'll be out of ballkicking commission for a while.

More Mas or No Mas!

The Dream Interpreted

First of all, Nicole read this and said FUCK! Why isn't this already a goddamn reality show!!!!

Several of my devotees have offered dream interpretations, but peewee, with his superior investigative abilities has offered the most perceptive (I think):

Interpretation #1:

"Sara, an interesting insight into your sub-conscious! Perhaps you fear that you will lose the loyalty & income from your beta wimps if you opt to take a real man into your life? Let me just assure you that this is NOT the case. Your slaves, cucks & wimps worship you, and we DO understand & accept your need for a real man. There will not be any cry of "no mas" from me, or any other of your beta wimps, if you do ever decide to share your life with a real man. Our devotion & our money will continue for as long as you allow!"

Interpretation #2:

"Of course, the dream could be interpreted differently! You may have been subconsciously exploring your unorthodox need for submissive beta males and the adoration and money they offer. Your dream transposed your slaves, wimps & cucks with the threat of losing them, and all they provide, by conforming to conventional urges for a real man. Hence the 'booby prize' tag assigned to the Alpha male. Maybe your dream was trying to tell you that you would be happiest with a loving beta male at your feet, who will lavish you with gifts and adoration whilst understanding your basic needs for a real man's cock without it representing a negative.

If you ever do decide that you want to find, and settle down with, a beta male who understands his role as your real time cuckold, please let me know. I would love to be considered and would do everything to make you happy."

Mas or No Mas

I love how the translation for the Spanish version of Deal or No Deal, is More or No More! I would never press the button. I had a dream or a nightmare the other nite, it was Mas or No Mas and it was hosted by Shamwow Vince, technically that's what made it a nightmare. Shamwow Vince does a sh*tty Spanish version of his Shamwow commercial on the Spanish channels down here.

Back to my nightmare, little beta wimps were standing on risers holding up their briefcases of money, what I could take from them, everything from a footsieboy toting a $20 "I'll take you to get your toenails painted" case to the bigger 6 figure pay-outs. I was doing pretty well, in this version of the show, I could theoretically get to keep what was in every briefcase, but it seems the format of my dream Mas or No Mas was slightly different.

I had to stay away from one booby-trapped briefcase, if I hit it, that would mean I would lose everything, even my pedicures. This briefcase was being held by a real man, not a wimp, slave, slut, cuck, loser or fag. So it was a test to see if I could stay away from the real man, who would booby-trap my rake. All the wimps, slaves, sluts, cucks, losers and fags I'd relieved of their baggage were crying, because if I didn't hit the booby-trap, they wouldn't get their money back.

Then the dream ended because my f*cking alarm clock went off, so I'll never know if I managed to clean out all the McWimpies or if I hit the booby-trap. It's a shame we can't have dreams begin where they ended the morning or nite before, that we can't TIVO them and make them play out to their logical or even illogical conclusion. All I can say is that money dreams make my pussy as wet as sex dreams. After I got out of bed, I used the shower spray and made myself cum several times while daydreaming: if it only it had been real, if only it had been real....

Sexual Zeitgeist

Nicole began stripping right about the time I began on Keen which then became Niteflirt. Nicole and I have both noticed the sexual zeitgeist of the universe has shifted since 2003. Sayonara vanilla! Men are into 57 flavors of cock and humiliation. You would think that a guy with Nicole's boobies bouncing in his face would be thinking about boobies and pussy, but Nicole reports that guys now beg her to make them suck cock, to pimp them out. They also want to be humiliated by being face-slapped, spit on, to have her spit or drool in their mouth (this is a kiss she tells them), worship her heels, be forced to crawl like her pet. The manager of the club has made it known to limit this type of play to the more private areas, not to spank the girls for doing it, but to make it less of a circus spectacle for the other patrons of the club.

Nicole has been sending her cocksuckers to an ABS on Route 41, kinda in the vicinity of the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. So any given nite, Nicole dispatches her cocksuckers, who must pay a pimping fee, of course, and they return later and pay even more to tell her about how they sucked a cock for her, how they're even hornier, can they go jerk off in the men's room, or their car, pay her a jerk-off fee? While she is collecting her lapdance or other fees and taxes, e.g., gay taxes, pimp taxes, jerk fees, boobies are in their face, but the boobies might as well be in outer space, because they only thing that is in their world, is cock.

Buzzzz

Parties are in, bottle hostesses are out? The economy is to blame, my quasi-boss laments, but it's not all doom and gloom....

People want to escape, people want to go to a party! So clubs are throwing more parties, promoting more of a party atmosphere. Model-esque bottle hostesses are disappearing, and the point is? That was my old job. But at least there are other ways to sling drinks besides overcharging for a bottle of Grey Goose and set-ups.

Click for the story from the NY Times. Truly the authority on the Miami Club Scene duh huh?

Miami Club Buzz

BTW, club Louis is where Shamwow Vince picked up the blonde naughty hottie who he later SlapChopped.

Bikini BDSM!

Nicole reports that slave idiot came crawling back for more wallet rapery (if that is a word) and humiliation. I assume he paid off his Amex, and couldn't stay away from Nicole's magnetic pull. Since Nicole's other slave poolboy is traveling for biz and isn't expected back till early May, Nicole is planning to win cash and prizes from her idiot. She has a shopping foray scheduled this week.

I will be seeing fatfuck on Wednesday, perhaps I can extract a shopping spree from my slave. He did pay for a bikini recently that I humiliated him with by whipping his fuzzy face with the bikini top and stuffing the bottoms into his mouth while I kicked his fuzzy nuts. Bikini BDSM!

Fanmail

Dear Sara

I put your March wallpaper on my computer. I worship you!!!! And I saved the picture of Nicole and Jessica on St. Patrick's Day and uploaded it to my cell phone. I feel it has a special meaning and message to me as I have a super small dick. That picture keeps me in my place. It reminds me what pretty girls think of a loser like me. Thank you for doing what you do on Niteflirt and for keeping up such great blogs on the same subjects.

slave irving

Nice Femurs

My girlfriends and I all have ads on various websites trolling for either slaves or sugar daddies. It's like the next thing you do after setting up your Myspace and Facebook. Recently, I had an inquiry from a guy named John from Denver. So for the sake of simplicity, I shall call him John Denver.

Well, John Denver wanted me to spend a week with him where I would just basically whip his ass for being worthless. It seems that he inherited lots of family funds and assets including cattle ranches, but felt that he didn't deserve them. He claimed to be 40 (I suspected he was older), never married, and the only expectation his family now had of him, was to produce an heir. Is this beginning to sound like The Tudors on HBO?

So I chatted with John via email, IM and finally Niteflirt. I should mention he had sent me quite a few Amazon gift certs to cover my time and capture my attention. He wanted to set up a week of torture and delight somewhere in the Caribbean, my choice and my price. I figured, to vet him and see if he really did have the cash that he claimed to have, that our rendez-vous should be on the island of Mustique. Mustique is a private island, only accessible to the extremely wealthy. When I advised him of my choice, he said, no problem, his travel agent would make the arrangements.

What is the old adage, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is? There was another story running concurrent to my John Denver story. It would seem that John Denver was also romancing one of my friends. But since she was looking for a sugar daddy and not a slave, the context of what he was asking of her was completely different. Being an attention whore, she spent countless hours chatting with him on the phone while he serenaded her with cowboy songs strumming his ole gee-tar. She was hoping to extract some money from him, in a more traditional sugar daddy sense, because she is blonde and hot and entitled. Little did we know we were talking to the same guy. I told her this guy John from Denver wanted to take me to Mustique. She said this guy John from Denver wanted to be her Sugar Daddy! But then things got weird, because he confessed what he really wanted was to become a Daddy, for her to produce a baby, was willing to pay a large sum of $$$ but she would have to give the baby up to him and a nanny to raise!!! Of course she freaked out, who wouldn't.

So I knew it was time to cut off John Denver. A few weeks after I told him to 'vamoose', he sent an email, which I shall share with you:

Sara too bad we didnt connect I had a lot goin on u still get me I look at yr pictures all the time maybe u will change yr mind??? nice femurs. I keep looking cant find another like u, I'll pay more??? John

"Nice femurs" WTF!!! I felt like I had been turned into some breeder who had superior genes with whom he would want to mate his prize livestock. Do they judge cattle based on femurs? Ewwww. It literally made me ill. What would have happened to me in Mustique? Would I have gone there thinking I'll be kicking his balls and using him as a spittoon for a week, but instead I would have been drugged with GHB and kept imprisoned till impregnated?

Perhaps I am exaggerating, but perhaps not. There are very, very strange men on the internet with very, very strange agendas. How to stay safe? Remain in my high rise apartment castle and only let down my hair to the right Prince?

St. Patty's Day

Tonite I am supposed to have a dining experience with my girlfriends. It's St. Patty's Day, and since Nicole has to swing around a pole in a green g-string later, dinner was all we could manage to pull together 'ensemble'. I am definitely not going to be eating any Irish cuisine. "The Irish don't have cuisine!" my Mother used to insist, when my Dad would request an Irish meal on St. Patty's. I remember the house used to stink of boiling corned beef and cabbage. My sister and I couldn't even muster the will to eat the dredgings and it was one of the only times my Mother didn't force us to finish what was on our plates. And thankfully, my Mother never saved any of the St. Patty's fare for leftovers either. The only good part of the Green Isle's holiday fare was the dessert, my Mother used to make key lime pie, I know how un-Irish, but she doused it with green food coloring.

Terry from the club begged me to work tonite, but I'm just not in the mood to put up with drunks who don't tip, notorious on nites like Mardi Gras, St. Patty's, Cinco de Mayo, etc.

So I'll eat a salad, 'greens' after all, and maybe do a shot or two or something, Bailey's??? And I have to call my Dad and wish him Happy St. Patty's. He'll be on the green, literally, golfing that is.

As as for Nicole, hopefully, she will have better luck with the drunks and rake in 'the green'!

I couldn't find a pic of me wearing anything green, but I did find a pic of Nicole and Jessica from a St. Patty's Day past. I wonder if Nicole is going to wear those tacky 'cat-toy' earrings again tonite! Sara

Nicole's Poolboy

Well she met him at the pool, so we're calling him the poolboy. The poolboy came into town for the Miami Food & Wine Festival and travels into Miami frequently for biz. Nicole is amped that she snagged the poolboy when poolwhoring with stripper girls from work. So Nicole scored while her pole-mates struck out.

Poolboy had to go to the club later that nite and slide Nicole lots of greenbacks. Actually, she made him pay her to give other guys lap dances. Sounds so humiliating, or maybe not, because he could watch, kinda like a porn. Poolboy is a cocksucker and Nicole borrowed Arion and Adam from me on two separate occasions so poolboy could suck some big cocks.

"Nicole, I should be getting an agent's fee or something!" I told her. She was like, "Oh com'n, I'll take us shopping!" But I should have refused giving her their digits (phone numbers) and told her "Get your own damn cocks for poolboy to suck or pay me!" This harks back to the time I wanted to borrow her former slave josephine for a photo shoot and she told me "Get your own damn slave!" Because I don't need to go shopping with Nicole for new purses, sunglasses, bikinis or heels right now. I need the ca$h not the stash.

Lunch Munch

One of my ex-profs, a definite dyke, has asked me to lunch again. At our first lunch, she wanted to chat about what I was up to, how life was treating me, had my education made a difference, what were my life goals now. I felt like she was unofficially polling me as to the effectiveness of my grad schoolin' or she was trying to come up with a conversational opening as to whether I eat pussy or not. My mother thought she wanted to be my mentor when I told her about the first lunch munch. I guess she could have completely dignified intentions. I always tilt toward evil instead of good. It's how I'm wired.

News from Nicole

Pool whoring has paid off. Coley went pool whoring with some of the girls from work and she reeled in a fishy to play with for a bit. The fishy is only in town for a month, but swims in for business now and then. I don't have any more details on the fishy, but as soon as I do, I'll blog them here.

My Funny Valentines

a review of some of the nice things I have received on Valentine's Day from my paramours, fucktoys, relatives and slaves

Marisol

When I was with Marisol a few years ago, she surprised me with a weekender to the Bahamas' Atlantis resort. We spent the weekend tanning, sexing and partying.

toad

I met toad in late January 2007, but got really sick with the flu immediately after meeting him. Coincidence? Still I needed to extract something from the toad for Valentine's while I suffered thru my flu. So I ordered him to go to the club where Nicole works and give her my Valentine's card (with something special tucked inside) for her to give to me. Nicole and I engineered a very humiliating scenario. Nicole would put toad on the guestlist as Mr. Toad. Toad would have to announce himself as Mr. Toad in order to get in. Depending on how many guys were waiting at the door to get in, plus the doorguy himself, toad would be sheerly overwhelmed and completely mortified to announce his slave name, but would have to state he was Mr. Toad to enter the Princess' castle. Then toad would have to sit in the club and wait for Nicole to be featured. He would then have to give her the card and a tip for her to deliver the card to me. While waiting for Nicole to be featured, he would have to order drinks and not look at any of the girls. In fact, he was to be looking down. And he could only look at Nicole's feet while handing over the tip and card.

It went something like this:

Toad arrived. Unfortunately, there was no one else but the doorguy at the moment toad showed up. He stated he was Mr. Toad. The doorguy had been instructed to fuck with toad so he asked toad how to spell it. T-o-a-d, toad spelled it. The doorguy checked it off and told toad, Hop on in! Priceless. The doorguy later told Nicole that toad looked like he was going to piss his pants, he was so nervous.

Nicole wasn't sure how long toad had to wait before she was featured, but she said she saw the fugly creature approach the rail with a red envelope and tip money. He stammered out, This is for Sara and this is for you. She grabbed both. Thank you TOAD! Nicole said quite loud. But the music in the club drowned out Nicole's words. She didn't think anyone else but the toad heard. The toad slunk away.

Nicole texted me when she got a break that she had the card and her tip. Toad tipped her $100 she texted. Not bad. She texted asking if I wanted her to open the envelope to check out my take. I texted back YES! She reported $200. Not as much as I had hoped, but I got pissed at him and got more out of him on a later date. Oh and the card was like really schmarmy and schmaltzy, something you would give to a woman in her 40's, so I berated toad for not picking out a Valentine's card I truly deserved.

Bride of Chuckie

Charlie was my cuckold boyfriend for about a year. For that year I didn't have to do Niteflirt or work at the club as he was paying my way. I concentrated on school and entertaining my cuckold. Nicole called Charlie "Cuckie Chuckie" and referred to me as "Bride of Chuckie" during this time. Nicole made out on the Cuckie Chuckie deal too, because if I had to study and couldn't play with my cuckie, Chuckie was allowed to go to the club and give money to Nicole for lap dances. Nicole made sure to humiliate him by telling him how small his dick was, or that it must be limp, or that I wasn't really studying, I was probably fucking Jesse or Arion or Tim or.... Cuckie Chuckie would then be so horny by the time he left the club, he would get to my place and fuck me till I couldn't see straight. Now you are wondering hmmmm I fucked my cuckie? Well Charlie was an unusual cuckie, he was 7.5" and thick. He was turned on by being a cuckie, but was not underhung. While he fucked me he craved having me tell him stories about the large cocks I was fucking, tell him he wasn't a real man, tell him he was inadequate....

Charlie was a romantic cuckie. I remember for Valentine's, he gave me roses, an expensive watch, lingerie, candy. Spring Break was right around V-Day, so he took me to Jamaica for the perfect cuckold vacay. All good things come to an end and Charlie went off to Malibu for rehab and while he has been back to the area a few times since, he has not been in touch with me or Nicole (to find me). But I'd love to have a financially rewarding cuckold relationship again!!!

Mom

One year my Mom gave me a vintage Valentine's candy box stuffed with her homemade rum and chocolate truffles. I couldn't resist and ate 2 truffles on my way home, while driving. My breath was really rummy and I was worried if I got pulled over, that I would fail a breathalyzer lol. But luckily I didn't get pulled over by the po-po's. My girlfriends and I used to host rotating dinners about once a month, a tradition we should revive. I was hosting the next girlfriends dinner at my house and served the truffles as part of dessert and everyone loved them and couldn't believe my Mom made them, they were candy store perfect and extremely potent ;-)

fatfuck

fatfuck is usually good for some extra cash and / or a little shopping spree. This week I did the spree and got 3 cute tops and a new pair of skinny jeans.

This year....

My sister is coming down on Valentine's Day with her boyfriend to go out with my Mom and her boyfriend and me and my sister's boyfriend's brother (I know it's confusing) to an early dinner before Jorge's band (Jorge = Mom's boyfriend) must perform that nite. So I'm wondering 1) if Danny will give me something for V-Day 2) if my Mom has made any more truffles 3) If any of my admirers (including you bloggies) will bestow me with tributes or something that shows your devotion (Amazon e-Gift Certificates, Victoria's Secret e-Gift Certificates)